Bay Of Utton Broadcast

In my latest move to spread the word about Utton Bay's transcontinental style and value I am beaming shortwave (or perhaps shirtwave) transmissions at France. My program is called Les Petits Bouttonieres in which I emphasize the role of boatneck shirts in France's glorious revolutionary history. To the barricades!

Utton Trek

Here at Utton Bay we employ the latest technology to bring you the rarest and most unique decorative buttons in all the land. This sophisticated button locator may look like cast off electronic junk, but that's only to keep it out of the hands of the wrong people. Our mission: to seek out and explore new button bargains and go where no clothing company has gone before.

Sea The Ponies, Yurt Again

I was at Nantasket Beach in Hull, Massachusetts this weekend. It's the home of a famous carousel housed in a distinctive yurt-like structure. While there, I was approached by a local businessman (no, not that kind) who kindly invited me to sell my boatnecks from his beachfront gift shop rather than "from a table by the side of the road" as he'd no doubt imagined. What a lucky duck I am!

Salmon Chiselers

My Mother's stock phrase whenever shopping for fish is, "Is the fish fresh?"
As you can see in the photo, I am wrestling a piece of salmon as big as a Volkswagen onto a baking pan. It was marked $5.99 a pound at Stop & Shop (a pretty good deal), so I said to the clerk, "Is it really $5.99 a pound?" He kind of shrugged, "Well, that's what it's marked". I asked for 3/4 of a pound. He then handed me a piece marked $7.98 and weighing 0.998 of a pound. (I know. The math doesn't even make sense) You probably think it's silly, but it's aggravatin' to me. Hey, when I say 3/4 of a pound, that's what I want. Look, if you're not paying attention, these Grocery Store Pirates can easily charge you an arm and a leg. I guess I got distracted by the Manager's Special Memorial Day Cheese Wheels. Next time I'll be prepared.

UnSafe at any Speed

I've prepared a secret Swiss account to hold the vast corporate profits of Utton Bay, should they accumulate. However I promptly forgot the combination to the vault. Is it 2-3-S-K-I-D-O-O? Or maybe 1-2-3-R-E-D-L-I-G-H-T? I'd better bone up on my safecracking skills or say goodbye to my millions! (At least they'll be safe from Bernie Madoff)

Nuthin' But Utton

My Global Design director unveiled his plans for an Utton Bay retail booth to be theoretically manned (or woman'd, as it were) by my endlessly indulgent, delightfully supportive sisters at various flea market venues in Manhattan. He envisions a sales table like no other -- piled high with Utton Bay boatnecks -- and featuring The Girls as uniformed sales consultants. However I can report that the uniform will NOT be glitter tube tops.

Bagel & Label

The Worldwide Label company of Hong Kong and New York just sent me this image this morning. Looks like my clothing labels are done and have been shipped. They are 1.5 x 1.5 inches and made from woven damask. They look good enough to eat. I think I'll celebrate with a bagel and mozzarella cheese!