Bay Of Utton Broadcast

In my latest move to spread the word about Utton Bay's transcontinental style and value I am beaming shortwave (or perhaps shirtwave) transmissions at France. My program is called Les Petits Bouttonieres in which I emphasize the role of boatneck shirts in France's glorious revolutionary history. To the barricades!

Utton Trek

Here at Utton Bay we employ the latest technology to bring you the rarest and most unique decorative buttons in all the land. This sophisticated button locator may look like cast off electronic junk, but that's only to keep it out of the hands of the wrong people. Our mission: to seek out and explore new button bargains and go where no clothing company has gone before.

Sea The Ponies, Yurt Again

I was at Nantasket Beach in Hull, Massachusetts this weekend. It's the home of a famous carousel housed in a distinctive yurt-like structure. While there, I was approached by a local businessman (no, not that kind) who kindly invited me to sell my boatnecks from his beachfront gift shop rather than "from a table by the side of the road" as he'd no doubt imagined. What a lucky duck I am!

Salmon Chiselers

My Mother's stock phrase whenever shopping for fish is, "Is the fish fresh?"
As you can see in the photo, I am wrestling a piece of salmon as big as a Volkswagen onto a baking pan. It was marked $5.99 a pound at Stop & Shop (a pretty good deal), so I said to the clerk, "Is it really $5.99 a pound?" He kind of shrugged, "Well, that's what it's marked". I asked for 3/4 of a pound. He then handed me a piece marked $7.98 and weighing 0.998 of a pound. (I know. The math doesn't even make sense) You probably think it's silly, but it's aggravatin' to me. Hey, when I say 3/4 of a pound, that's what I want. Look, if you're not paying attention, these Grocery Store Pirates can easily charge you an arm and a leg. I guess I got distracted by the Manager's Special Memorial Day Cheese Wheels. Next time I'll be prepared.

UnSafe at any Speed

I've prepared a secret Swiss account to hold the vast corporate profits of Utton Bay, should they accumulate. However I promptly forgot the combination to the vault. Is it 2-3-S-K-I-D-O-O? Or maybe 1-2-3-R-E-D-L-I-G-H-T? I'd better bone up on my safecracking skills or say goodbye to my millions! (At least they'll be safe from Bernie Madoff)

Nuthin' But Utton

My Global Design director unveiled his plans for an Utton Bay retail booth to be theoretically manned (or woman'd, as it were) by my endlessly indulgent, delightfully supportive sisters at various flea market venues in Manhattan. He envisions a sales table like no other -- piled high with Utton Bay boatnecks -- and featuring The Girls as uniformed sales consultants. However I can report that the uniform will NOT be glitter tube tops.

Bagel & Label

The Worldwide Label company of Hong Kong and New York just sent me this image this morning. Looks like my clothing labels are done and have been shipped. They are 1.5 x 1.5 inches and made from woven damask. They look good enough to eat. I think I'll celebrate with a bagel and mozzarella cheese!

A Pip Indeed

Obscure British actor and playwright Pip Utton was brought to our attention recently.

Hmm. His specialties seem to be playing three basic roles: Hitler, a drunk, and Charlie Chaplin.

No relation to my Bay. But quite intersanting, eh Babsy?

Adventures in the Rag Trade

A 25-foot tall button graces a plaza in the center of New York's famed Garment District (renamed the Fashion District, natch) and I can think of no more fitting locale from which to officially announce Utton Bay's grand opening next month. Who cares if the press doesn't turn out? I'll buy a hot dog from a street vendor and celebrate anyway.

In the meantime, isn't it a funny coincidence that the "bay" in Utton Bay jibes with the "boat" in boatnecks -- extending the nautical but nice theme on which this enterprise seems to be founded. Ahoy, matey!

I'm Crunkin'

I know what you're thinking, readers. This can't be the impossibly sophisticated Mrs Bay. And, of course, it's not. It's her oldest friend in the world, Chaka Cohn, who grew up across the street. You may think she's a little long in tooth -- and broad in beam -- to crunk, but is one evair too old to work it on out? In the weeks to come, you will see her transform before your very eyes as she turns her gaze toward Utton Bay. Stay tuned, my pets. Watch her molt!

Selling Skills

As you can see from the photo, I do have limited experience with retail sales. That's why I wanted to try selling my Utton Bay boatneck tops at a local Farmer's Market in June, partly to test the appeal of my goods and partly to polish my selling skills. Alas, May 15 was the deadline, so I am aced out of that one. However Boston hosts something called the SOWA (SOuth of WAshington St.) marketplace during the summer that I am investigating. I think it'll be a good venue to launch my assault on the retail world, and a certain Mother has even volunteered to pull sales duty at my booth. We'll see.

Suited to a T

Utton Bay T-Shirts available from CafePress

My Global Design Director insisted that there be T-Shirts featuring his fabulous yet tasteful logo design work and so, under some duress, I offer this tee for those interested in wearing one:
http://www.cafepress.com/uttonbay.387018426
Perhaps a certain mother of a certain custom clothing designer might want to wear one to her exercise class to promote her beloved daughter's business to her wealthy Central Park West acquaintances. Or not. Just a suggestion.

Top Secret Prototype

Here's the top secret Utton Bay prototype I've been laboring over. It's a custom made boat neck top, 100% cotton, with a row of antique buttons sewn onto the neck. I am able to reveal it here for the first time since my legal department assures me I am 100% protected in all countries of the globe as well as on certain planets in the solar system.

Future models will come in other fabrics, colors and sizes, and the photography will be good rather than quick and dirty.

The Utton Way

If you haven't guessed yet, Utton Bay is all about buttons. I have almost 1000 antique buttons. Sometimes I go to flea markets to find them. Sometimes to very odd flea markets. In this photo you can see me singing at an MIT swap meet. MIT is of course the famed technology institute in Boston. I had to dodge phalanxes of geeks exchanging radio tubes and it turned out singing Broadway show tunes was the only way I could distract them. I didn't find any buttons there but I had a great time and met many new friends.

Launching a Classic

A rainy Sunday afternoon and my label's labels have just been ordered. My fabulous Global Design Director has come up with a dandy logo and approved colors for same. So off to Hong Kong goes a batch of cash and several days hence I shall have approximately 300 of the Utton Bay labels to sew onto my boatnecks. Thrilling indeed. The high fashion, marketing and production machinations undergone thus far would make Anna Wintour's head spin.

How it all came about (Utton Bay, that is) is another matter, a suitable subject for another day's post, methinks.